Weekend Wasteland: Title changes hands

Weekend match-ups find Passion trophy under new ownership.
The weekend, much like a set of Dice at the Bellagio, has changed the lives and destinies of three Passion members. The title first changed hands on Thrusday the eleventh of August as Skullcrusher (Kirchner) shocked fans and himself by blitzing the star city serpent (Norris) in two straight sets of tennis mayheim. When the Serpent was confronted on his loss, his usual cocky stride was replaced by a slower saunter very remnant to that of an embarrased labradore. The serpent claimed he would forever be the solo-owner of the Passion of the Stripes title, but Skullcrusher's cross-court shot became the silver bullet to serpent's hairy aperatus. Joy ensued for the Skullcrusher until his arrogance became his un-doing.
The title, like a dry-cleaners owned by a drunkard, again went under new ownership on Sunday the fourteenth at 11am. Like Wyatt Earp at the OK corral, blademiracle (blademiracle) made quick work of the skullcrusher beating him in two straight sets. Bystanders at this 'Black Sabath' question the skullcrusher's motives unable to determine his stradagy for defeat. It seems the very skullcrusher who removed the title from the star city serpent stayed home, while a 'new' skullcrusher attended the match hoping to hit the balls anywhere but inside the lines. No true explaination has been determined at this time.
Blademiracle might have retained the title long enough to enjoy it if it hadn't been for his 1 vs. the world philosophy of game-play. Each member of The Passion of the Stripes tennis league will claim to fear no man capable of holding a racquet while secretly desiring to retain the title as long as possible...Blademiracle, much like the tennis version of Brigham Young, decided to go against the rules and quickly accepted a challenge from blademiracle. The result was much like Abraham Lincoln's last haircut: unnecessary.
Today, August sixteenth, the title yet again changed hands as the star city serpent redeemed himself against blademiracle. No other player in Passion history has so quickly jumped from Omega to Alpha as the serpent did this very day. Word of mouth has established the serpent victory by a close margin of 7-5, 6-4 which is close enough to consider both men 'winners', but with the trophy safely resting in the serpent's coils it is blademiracle who must garnish the title of 'first loser'.
The Passion of the Stripes has undergone highs and lows remnant of the world's history itself, but like life, the future is unknown. This past weekend has seen dynasties crumbled, paupers crowned, and a title change men like an ugly sophomore cheerleader. One could only hope the next week brings similar thrills and expectations to our normally dull existance but, like half-asking-half joking a friend's sister on a date...anything can happen.

Serpent tops week 2 rankings

The official Passion of the Stripes league rankings released today:
#1-Star City Serpent
#2-tennismachine
#3-Skull Crusher
#4 Blade Miracle
#5 Duece Bigalow

These are the league rankings for this week, but like the unpredictable world of deer fighting...anything can happen.

TennisMachine romps Skull Crusher

Tennismachine breaks Skull Crusher's spine 6-2, 7-5, while Star City Serpent strikes down all challengers in 1-set challenge.
The dream finally became reality as both tennismachine (Moore) and Skull Crusher (Kirchner) met at the San Regis ground Zero for a long-awaited conflict of interest.
The first set began just as the last between these two foes as 'machine got out to an early lead playing off Skullcrusher's errors. As the score neared 5-2, Skullcrusher exchanged his nylon shorts for a pair of daisydukes and a blouse as 'machine proceed to backhand 'crusher into submission as if saying, "Why ain't my dinner ready?"
The second set began just as the first, as tennismachine put up an early 2-0 lead with the added help of his power serve which he had harnessed for the first set. Tennismachine kept Skullcrusher at bay until 'crusher got on the board at 3-1.
As the game 5 serves began to hit the court, Skullcrusher, like a Kodiak bear frightened out of Hibernation, came alive like Peter Frampton. Tennismachine began to loose his cool as the Skullcrusher lived up to his title by playing what some believe to be 'flawless' tennis. Skullcrusher's almost patented cross-court corner shot became as common as tennismachine's substitute swear words. Unfortunately, tennismachine turned full speed ahead as Skullcrusher's comeback just wasn't soon enough. The final score after what seemed like an endless second set would come to the favor of tennismachine 7-5.
After tennismachine's victory over 'evil', he proceeded to challenge Star City Serpent (Norris) to a non-title pro set. The match began as every match between these two titans has before: a 10 minute first game which sets the pace for the rest of the entire match. In this case, the first game went to the serpent only to be joined by the entire victory as a whole.
Fatigue caused the two foes to quit the Match after the first set, Star City Serpent taking the Match 6-4. It was no title rematch for tennismachine, and he was fortunate for that. Skullcrusher became victim of a similar scenario as he too also fell to Star City Serpent in a one set romp falling again at 6-4.
Despite the tennismachine victory, the night ultimately went to the Serpent as he again unofficially defended his title. The Star City Serpent sleeps soundly again this night, while rumors of a SkullCrusher title challenge ride silently on the wind.

Tennismachine fears for the worst

Rumors circulate as tennismachine could drop from #1 all the way to #5 in the ratings after falling so unmercifully to the star city serpent in last week's title match. When asked to comment tennismachine said only, "Number 5? There aint no way I'm worse than Kuhns...get real." Tennismachine hopes to make a run at the title sometime during the next 7-8 days.

Title Challege: Serpent Over Tennis Machine

Star City Serpent's coils bring TennisMachine to a hault. Serpent takes title 6-5, 4-6, 6-2.

The hiss of tennis temptation and grinding cogs of destruction shattered the serentity of morning as the first official Passion of the Stripes trophy title game took place on August 7th. Both Ryan "star city serpent" Norris and Matt "tennismachine" Moore met at the San Regis battle field at 6:45am to begin preperations for the bitter battle to ensue.
The serpent appeared alert as he bagan his pre-game regiment of akward yet acute serves and back-handed spins, while tennismachine focused on his top-spin overhands. The on-the-court banter resembled the morning in many ways; it, like the morning, was both light and friendly, but a thin cloud of the unknown lingered just under the surface.
Tennismachine came into the match an undesputed champion. He had taken the hiss out of the serpent 2 straight times in official match play, while stomping The Juice (Kerchner) dead in his tracks several days prior. Tennismachine had no real hinderings on the morning, but the the mere fact that the official Passion of the Stripes trophy was on the line for the first time made this match unlike any other. According to official Pashion of the Stripes league rules, if the current champion is defeated by a challenger in a full pro-set, the defeated champion must stoop down to both knees and present the trophy to the new champion as a further symbol of shame and defeat. Because this was the first official trophy match, tennismachine would hate nothing more than having to be the first player to present the trophy from his knees especially after defeating the serpent in 2 seperate games prior.
Both players began the match as heroes...only one was left a fraud.
The first game was like a battle between greek gods. By the time the advantage at duece had been lost and won over three full rotations, both players neglected nerves and played on passion. By the time the match had reached to half way through the first set, it was clear that this was to be a match for the ages. Tennismachine's acrobatics just fell short of the serpent's persistance as the serpent edged out tennismachine in a bitter 6-5 win.
The second set began much like the first as both players seemed to posses skills only fabled in Viking legend and lore, however from the begining, it was clear this set was to go to the tennismachine. Tennismachine's hard drive came into sync with the rest of his combustion frame creating a serve best characterized by the engraving on the underside of a Rolex: Swiss Movements. Tennismachine played an almost flawless set keeping the serpent off the board until the 4th game when the serpent made the score 3-1. The serpent's comeback just didn't come soon enough as tennismachine took the set 6-4.
D-day, JFK's assasination, August 7th 2005: each of these now historic days all began with a hint of something epic in the air, the latter of the list was no exception. For it was on this day that the star city serpent completely destroyed tennismachine in the final set of the first official title-trophy game.
Tennismachine came into the final set with an almost cocky stride relevent to his victory in set #2. The serpent, with an almost creepy air to his unfaultering eyes, came into the match looking for a kill, and he most certainly got it. From the very begining of set 3, the star city serpent showed signs of greatness while tennismachine 'removed both shoes and a sock'. The star city serpent was relentless in his pumaling of tennismachine as he kept 'machine off the board until the 5th point 4-1. It was clear this match was to go to the reptile, but 'machine fought on like the poor kid at recess inspired by his viet nam veteran uncle...he was born to lose.
As the smoke cleared, the star city serpent emerged victorious as the tennismachine hung his head in shame. Tennismachine offered only praise to the serpent while complaining of an alleged ankle sprain that 'magically' went un-noticed by both parties participating.
Like a English hero being knighted with only shame as his mentor, the tennismachine bowed before the star city serpent and presented the title. On this day, the star city serpent emerged the better man...God save the Queen.