Serpent Resurfaces after Tourney Loss/Marriage

Exclusive photo of former ‘champion’ proves his existence

On Saturday, October 22^nd between the hours of 8pm and 11pm, the Star City Serpent (Norris) was sighted just off the grounds of the San Regis compound. The story behind Star City Serpent’s hiatus is riddled with more holes than Blade Miracle’s (blade miracle) under pants, but many tennis enthusiasts believe it has something to do with Serpent’s defeat by The New York City Nightmare (Muldrew), while scholars speculate his shortcomings stem from a sense of unbalance derived from the addition of a piece of jewelry to his left hand.

All of these generalizations are pure speculation since no one has played or seen SCS since the beginning of September. A security guard at the San Regis compound claimed he once saw SRS playing left handed against an unknown female, but upon a closer examination he found nothing but a couple of Penn 2s and an empty bucket of KFC.

The future is uncertain for The Star City Serpent as many believe his pants are expanding faster than the blue prints for public schools. If SCS were as hungry for a title as he was for butter sticks…the Passion of the Stripes would be in ‘big, big’ trouble.