New York City Nightmare located near Long Island

(Stock Photo unavailable)

This EXCLUSIVE Passion of the Stripes artist's rendering offers a rare look at the New York City Nightmare's (Muldrew) life off the court. The rendering apparently shows NYCN walking into Madison Square Garden just seconds after purchasing a hotdog from a street vendor. Note what seems to resemble a taxi in the foreground.

Please submit any further sightings/insights to the Passion of the Stripes.

Retired Women No Match For SkullCrusher's Forehand

SkullCrusher finally able to be ‘the best’

When many thought the Passion of the Stripes tennis league had become a dormant establishment, Skullcrusher (Kirchner) began playing the best tennis of his life. This opportunity to become ‘grand champion of the court’ came shortly after Skullcrusher found himself ‘an insufficient factor in determining Passions outcomes’. Skullcrusher’s disappointing, however expected, last place finish in the Star City Serpent’s Bachelor Memorial Tournament was apparently too much for his ‘pride’ to handle and like Christopher Reeve, he wasn’t going to stand for it.

While practicing his backhands, SkullCrusher’s opportunity for dominance came when an elderly couple mistook him for a special Olympian in training and offered a charitable match to a best of three sets. Though it took some persuasion, Skullcrusher talked the couple into a best 4 out of 7 pro-set and won by default after one of his opponents suffered from ‘cardiovascular complications’. SkullCrusher is rumored to have given up all ties to The passion of the Stripes has become a regular fixture at Kutcher’s Country Club playing for ‘real’ pride and sugar-free TUMS.

Serpent Resurfaces after Tourney Loss/Marriage

Exclusive photo of former ‘champion’ proves his existence

On Saturday, October 22^nd between the hours of 8pm and 11pm, the Star City Serpent (Norris) was sighted just off the grounds of the San Regis compound. The story behind Star City Serpent’s hiatus is riddled with more holes than Blade Miracle’s (blade miracle) under pants, but many tennis enthusiasts believe it has something to do with Serpent’s defeat by The New York City Nightmare (Muldrew), while scholars speculate his shortcomings stem from a sense of unbalance derived from the addition of a piece of jewelry to his left hand.

All of these generalizations are pure speculation since no one has played or seen SCS since the beginning of September. A security guard at the San Regis compound claimed he once saw SRS playing left handed against an unknown female, but upon a closer examination he found nothing but a couple of Penn 2s and an empty bucket of KFC.

The future is uncertain for The Star City Serpent as many believe his pants are expanding faster than the blue prints for public schools. If SCS were as hungry for a title as he was for butter sticks…the Passion of the Stripes would be in ‘big, big’ trouble.